Wednesday, June 7, 2006

The Return Of The Fat Tax

A few short weeks ago I proposed a revolutionary new idea: Tax all the people who are overweight with a special fat tax. The idea was to get people thinking about a serious problem, obesity, and all the diseases and problems that it causes.

(These problems can be alleviated with fish oil, exercise, and Regenerizer.)

The increased revenue from the blubber tax would go a long way toward the costs of the medical facilities and personnel that are tied up trying to cure the multiple health problems of that special tribe, Le Molestiers du Buffet, which now numbers about 40% of the American population.

(For those not using fish oil, not exercising, not using Regenerizer, the statistics are grim. If you are a Lardassian, you are quintupling your odds of checking out early.)

Apparently, this idea has caught on with a number of subscribers on both sides of the political aisle, and they say it has a better chance of success than the current immigration legislation.

The Democrats want to make the tax progressive; that is: there will be a sliding scale of suet, 10% for up to 15 pounds, 20% for 15-30 pounds, 30% for 30-50 pounds, 40% for 50-100 pounds, and 50% for those 100 pounds or more over the norm.

The Republicans favor a flat fat tax, 12½ % with a 5-7 pound allowance over the norm.

(In fish oil purchasers, the split is almost dead even, give or take a hanging credit card or two.)

Weigh In’s would be in January every year, giving people incentive to ease up on the gluttony during the holiday season, and to actually keep their New Year’s
resolution.

All weight data would be a matter of public record.

I think this alone could help melt billions of pounds of tumescent tallow.

(Early data on Regenerizer tells us that while Republicans bought first, Democrats have now realized what they were missing and are scrambling to catch up.) However, they are making a strong comeback and it looks like they will have a real chance on Election Day thanks to their adoption of Instant Einstein as a required supplement!

I would have a penalty built in if a whole family was overweight. If Ma and Pa and Sis and Bro are all over, they get a special electronic boot put on their fridge. It will only open 3 times a day, and putting a soda in will set off a fat police alarm.

I’m telling you, this is heady stuff. I never thought about politics before, but if Patrick Kennedy can keep getting elected, I think I have a future. After all, I have
had one idea, which is more than one can say for him.

You couple that with the fact that I haven’t punched any security people or run my car into a concrete barrier, and it’s off to the races.

I just got an email from Denny Hastert and Ted Kennedy.

It seems that they are members of the Molestiers du Buffet, and they are opposed to my fat tax because it would make fat people mad.

Well, they couldn’t chase them very far, so what’s the big deal. It’s a long walk to the polls in most states.

Whether you favor the progressive fat tax, or the flat fat tax, the time has come to get serious about being overweight.

At www.drdavesbest.com we can help you shed the wiggle and jiggle, and keep your tax bill low.

All the best,
Doc

Supplements required to save America from the impending ravages of obesity:
Regenerizer
Fish Oil
Instant Einstein

"Dr Dave for President" by Lazlo B. Zilly


Oh please Doc do it now before it's to late
Represent your country your home town and state.
Help keep the people healthy and free
And smarter too with Instant Einstein you see

We are bombarded from every angle
Politically temptations continue to dangle
They spin and sin and make up lies
To keep their arses in office and their trophy wives

So they can wine and dine and fly
To the far corners of the earth
While the oil companies ply
Higher prices on the common man
This summer'll be worse how much more can we stand
Between the bird flu and vicious tropical storms
Our economy hangs in, but recession forms

They crash their cars; they put money in their fridge
And Duke Cunningham who survived Thud ridge*
Sold his house for far more than its worth
And then we're to believe that it was just luck
Like Marion Barry said. "The Bxtch
Set me up!"
Whilst snorting the ubiquitous crack cocaine
Was yet reelected for yet another reign

So Dr Dave from one of your readership
How's about stepping up and showing us real leadership!

LBZ


Well, Lazlo, thanks for that but I have a tough enough time keeping Big Pharma's antics in my sites. If we can keep the freedom of knowledge and choice alive for the people, they'll do the rest!

Let's just you and me do what we do best and that's make the best supplements.

· I apologize for Lazlo's distortion of historical facts. Duke Cunningham was an F4 Phantom pilot in Vietnam and may not have had the intimate contact with Thud Ridge that the fighter bombers did.

To experience the amazing and multiple benefits of Dr Dave's Best
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Here are some numbers for you on Immune. 2100 ORAC per single capsule 252,000 per bottle (The average American gets no more than 1200 ORAC daily at best Even in liquid form just 1 ounce of Immune Booster has 22,680 ORAC and 222mg. of Anthocyanin per teaspoon).

100 mg. of anthocyanins per capsule 12,000 mg. Anthocyanin per bottle (It would take 300 baskets of blueberries to obtain this amount of Anthocyanin and cost a person $1,500 a month).

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Dr. Dave's Best is located at:
1050 D Maidencreek Road
Fleetwood, PA 19522

Phone: 610-926-5728
Fax: 610-916-3931

The FDA has not evaluated all of these statements. This email is for educational purposes only. Always consult your own personal doctor for medical advice and follow it even it contradicts what is said in this email.

Dr. Dave's Best makes no claims to treat mitigate or diagnose any disease with any of the products listed on our site, past, present or future!

Copyright 2006

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