Today I passed the magazine stand in the airport and was struck by a headline in one of the tabloids that was just too good to pass up.
It read:
Heather Helping Charlie In Custody Battle!
Heather is Heather Locklear, and Charlie is Charlie Sheen. Charlie was married to Denise, and Heather was married to Richie. Denise dumped Charlie, and Heather
dumped Richie. Now Denise is seeing Richie, and accusing Charlie of being a bad parent. Heather is seeing David Spade, and helping Charlie in his custody battle with Denise.
Everything makes sense except David Spade.
Heather Locklear and David Spade? Say it ain’t so, pul-eeze.
Bad girl Denise Richards, and bad boy Charlie Sheen, that makes sense. Heather Locklear and rock and roller Richie Samborra, that makes sense.
In fact, for Heather that was a step up from Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee.
Now it’s rock and roller Richie, and bad girl Denise. Then there’s bad boy Charlie with his girl of the minute, hour, or however Charlie figures it these days.
But Heather and testosterone-challenged David Spade?
David Spade is a walking billboard for the Hercules Factor.
In fact, he’s a billboard for Hercules Factor 3X, a formula that is still in the elementary planning stages. By that I mean that just thinking about him gets me to thinking, “Triple his dosage, and lets see where we are in a month or two.”
Charlie could use some Super Omega 3 and Instant Einstein to help with his poor decision making skills. Denise and Heather could use, I think I need to study them more closely.
It’s possible that Heather could use Regenerizer, that would get her back on track, but I won’t be able to do a full diagnosis until she dumps the dufus.
Heather, I make housecalls.
Denise needs, I admit it, I’m stumped.
She could eat BBQ in my bed and wipe her fingers on the pillowcases and I wouldn’t care.
Somebody in the office is trying to tell me I forgot Richie.
I didn’t forget.
Richie has Denise.
The only thing for him is Instant Endurance and possibly Sleep Wizard.
The man is going to need all the rest he can get.
All the best,
Doc
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