For the most part you enjoyed it too, so I've decided to bring it back once in a while.
Now is the time for a timely and amusing look at some of this week's events.
Let's start off with the Instant Einstein awards.
Well I have to tell you this one really was a no-brainer.
I had hoped to have some juicy and brainless story about Paris Hilton to tell you but guess what, Britney Spears gets the Instant Einstein Award for an unprecedented third time.
Will someone please give this girl/woman some baby holding lessons!
It just goes to show you money can't buy you love.
Or brains.
OK, Brit, you know where to find me to claim your award. A full case of Instant Einstein.
I'll even biggie size if for you to the 540 count bottles!
A close second would have to be the residents of the city of New Orleans who reelected Mr. Nagin as mayor.
I must have missed something in the translation of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.
Clearly FEMA was useless, ineffectual and perhaps even obstructive but the stuff runs down hill and some of the cities politicians had some 'splaining to do as well.
Or not as the election results show.
How would you like to be his opponent who must have been so bad that Mr. Nagin is the lesser of two evils?!
Perhaps some residents can clue me in on this, because I truly am mystified.
And while we are on the subject of politics here are a few people who could at least use a bottle of Einstein
Duke Cunningham.
I can't tell you how sad and pathetic this story is.
The Duke was our first ace in Vietnam and as a child airplane buff he was a hero of mine.
To see him fat, disheveled and going to jail is a tragedy of the first magnitude. Duke if you take your fish oil, Einstein and Regenerizer during your jail term you'll still be alive and in pretty good shape when they let you out!
Patrick Kennedy.
Who by crashing his car and trying to save his career and his families name, spilled the beans on the prescription sleeping pill fiasco and caused the FDA to pause in approving yet another drug that we don't need.
For your contribution to the public good, Patrick, I have a case of Sleep Wizard, my all natural answer to America's silent epidemic of sleep problems.
Rep. William Jefferson, D-La., who was caught on audiotape chuckling about writing in code to keep secret what the government suspects was his corrupt role in getting his children a cut of a communications company's deal for work in Africa.
Let me guess, Bill. It was written in Da Vinci Code!
You need some Einstein as well.
And as our politicians do so to does our general public.
As proof of this, in the next item we find that there has been an increase in the number of Americans in prison. Please note this number does not reflect illegal aliens.
Right now there are over 2 million of us spending our time behind bars for some kind of bad behavior.
That is a lot of people but I am not sure how it compares to other counties.
Overall it is 0.007% of the population which lends a new meaning to 007.
For you we have some fish oil which has been shown to improve behavior behind bars and on the outside as well. Improved impulse control and decreased anger are just two of the benefits.
And if we started using it in schools like the Brits do, we'd have a better graduation and retention rate of our students.
I think that would make a big dent in the prison population since many are young males!
And today's news final entry concerns Barry Bonds, a long time favorite of my writing and the winner of this year's Mr. Hercules Factor Award.
Barry is still waiting to pass the records of Babe Ruth (714 homers) and Hank Aaron (755 homers).
Ya should take that Hercules Factor Barry.
If less body fat, bigger and stronger muscles are what you want, you too will discover what hundreds of others have already found in the past few months since we introduced the Hercules Factor.
It works fantastic, it's safe natural and it's 100% legal.
And now it's only fitting that I ask our resident poet idiot savant Lazlo B. Zilly to write a limerick for this week's week in review.
What a week a week it's been.
Full of naughty, nice and sin.
First, there's Brittney and her child
Driving child safety advocates wild
All that money all those songs
And she still holds her baby wrong
Poor woman still a child must be
Pity the little Brittney baby
Whose mom was the queen of the beat
And seems too poor to own a child seat!
Then there's our politicians up to no good
Spinning money yarns when they should
Worry about all the folks in jail
You'd make more money posting bail
Then there's Duke Cunningham
Who'd Rise again if He
Opened a driving school with Patrick Kennedy
Who crashed his car but it wasn't booze
It was the wrong combination of pills to snooze
So he called his lawyer and said "protect me"
Faster than you could say Mary Jo Kopechne
Pat's Ok his career is fine cause he could say
It must be the fault of the FDA
Take a look at those sleeping pills
Before they cause a ton more ills
They caused one lady a hundred pound gain
But that wasn't even half the pain
That was felt by the woman whose pills beget
A hankering for a buttered cigarette
So stop please putting them in your gizzard
You'll unleash yet another political blizzard
You all should just take Dr Dave's Sleep Wizard
Copyright Lazlo b. Zilly May 2006
Thanks, Lazlo.
Well that's a wrap for this Monday.
I am eternally grateful to be here with you so join me again tomorrow and we'll get serious.
Or maybe not!
All the Best,
Doc
Supplements mentioned in this blog:
Sleep Wizard
Fish oil
Instant Einstein
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