Lost in Cyberspace

I am an admitted technophobe. Ironic as it may sound, I never liked
computers and quite frankly, they never liked me.

I have a unique and highly developed ability to confound even the most idiot proof software and hardware. On a few occasions when I've actually been able to speak with tech support people, I've gotten them to admit that there indeed is a problem with their product "if you look at it the way you (meaning me) do."

The implication is that I somehow think differently than everyone else out there.

That's certainly not the first time I've been told that. In my own simple way, I divide users of technology into 3 groups.

(1) Those under 30

These people ar either genetically preprogrammed to work with computers or somehow got the knowledge while still in their mother's womb. Geek speak is their native language and some ethereal force guides them to click, double click and slide to just the right commands without ever using the higher part of their brain that makes them human.

(2) Those between 30-45

This is the gray area that contains plenty of "Johnny Kilowatts" as well as many cyber dunces. For the most part, these people are educable if not gifted in "computerese". With a little work and a little coaching they can make the same intuitive leaps the under 30 crew does with ease. While never the equal of their younger counterparts and never to become blue-blooded members of the geek squad, they eventually manage just fine.

(3) The over 45 crowd

Also know as "Lost in Cyberspace." With rare exceptions, these people need massive repetition and spoon feeding to even master the simplest of tasks like sending an email. They are befuddled by the endless choices of clicks and drop down menus that the younger generation relishes. They expect consistency between software programs even when made by different manufacturers and have little patience when things don't go well. They cannot understand how a $100 software program can disable a $3000 laptop and make it useless for weeks.

If they're lucky they can coerce or pay for their very own geek squad flunky to bail them out of trouble when they come up against an unclosable dialogues box or a software product that won't accept its own registration.

For them, the computer is truly a tool and one which is always a nanosecond or a gigabyte away from being smashed into megabits, doused in lighter fluid and tossed flaming out of their second story windows with the USB cable still attached.

Now, lest you think I have just described my self, I assure you, I am a member of the second group, however, it is only due to the grace of Instant Einstein and fish oil that keeps my brain from
becoming lost in cyber space.

All the best,

The King of Pharmaceutical grade fish oil - Dr Dave