Honey we're killing the kids

Right this minute I am laughing so hard tears of joy are rolling down my face.

I don't think I laughed this hard since "Beavis and Butthead do America".

I think I have seen the funniest and most ludicrous reality TV show (actually I just saw the trailer) ever invented.

It's called something like "Are you killing your kids" and focuses on Middle American parents, their kids and the growing epidemic of childhood obesity.

I want to nominate the producers, directors and originators of this show for my weekly Instant Einstein Award.

The premise of the show is to use computer aging techniques to show parents of adolescent obese kids just what those kids will look like in 10 or 15 years if they continue on their current path to blobdumb.

The deal is to scare the parents into forcing their kids to make lifestyle changes.

The hostess of the show says, "If this doesn't scare them, nothing will!"

She's right.

Based on the computer aging process, it's more likely to scare them into turfing their current brood off to relatives and adopting a new batch as fast as they can.

I mean these kids are pudgy at 10 but by 20 they are positively horrific.

They are not just fattened up by the computer; they are just made plain ugly.

Yikes!!! There 's not an attractive one in the bunch.

A word of advice: don't take your kids' baby photos to a computer-enhancement pallor. Let Mother Nature run her course and wait and see.

I promise you ignorance is bliss.

The next "too funny" is the parents.

Did anyone mention to them that they are setting an example?

There is not one among them who is remotely near their ideal body weight.

If we can accept that children pick up their parent's smoking habit because of what they see between age 0 and 5, then we have to accept the same about body habbitus.

Think I am lying?

A few days ago some of the neighborhood kids came over to my sister's house to pet her chinchillas.

One little 5-year-old tugged on my sister's arm and said, "You're pretty. Not like my mom, she's fat and has pimples on her face!"

Out of the mouths of babes.

By the way, mom's pimples are probably due to an androgen (hormone) imbalance that was directly related to her weight. In few more years there'll be some lovely facial hair to join those pimples.

If her husband is shallow, I shudder to think what comes next. If she did the computer animation on herself, I think we'd see some serious fish oil, Regenerizer consumption and a walking program.

My point is it's hard to have fat parents telling their fat kids to get off their butts, stop playing computer games and lose weight while they are still young and it's still easy.

Monkey see, monkey do.

And that brings me to the another ha ha and ironic, funny point of the show.

It shows an angry confrontation between fat mom and fat child.

Mom is holding the kids bike by the handlebars yelling, ”That bike isn't going anywhere until you let us take the TV out of your room!"

The sobbing kid (yes, actually sobbing at the loss of the TV) informs her that as soon as he turns 18 he's outta there for good.

Now let's look at this point by point.

First, mom is preventing the kid form riding his bike and ordering him back in the house as punishment.

The message: Try and get some exercise will you? Get back in that house and be fat and sedentary!

Next, the kid is sobbing at the loss of the TV. The thought of a child lovingly fondling their TV is almost as repulsive as the end result of the computer aging techniques on that very same kid.

Wha! Wha! I want my MTV!

I may be showing my age but when I was a kid, the thought of a child having a TV in their room was unheard of. We had a family room, a family TV and kids didn't watch anything without their parents' permission.

Dr Dave's Helpful Hint #1: don't put TV's in your kids' rooms!

Finally, the kid threatens to leave at age 18.

Well after seeing what he's going to look like via the computer animation he may be doing mom and dad a big friggin' favor.

Given their appearance, it may also be his only chance at a normal body weight.

The final clip shows the kids if they change and maintain normal body weight.

Guess what, they are still ugly as sin, now they're just thin and flabby looking. Show this to the parents or the kids and they'll be more confused than ever!

So here it is in a nutshell.

If your kids are fat:

1) Look in the mirror and be honest. If you ain't cuttin' the mustard but you're cuttin' too much cake, you can not expect them to listen to you when you try to get them to change.

You set the example. If you are heavy, get on some fish oil and Regenerizer and start walking. Your kids will follow suit.

2) Get rid of the TV and limit the computer games. With one exception: The whole family should check out this show on TLC because without meaning to, this could be one of the greatest comic hits of our time.

3) Throw a fish oil capsule or two to your adolescents everyday. At the very least it will probably help them listen better and calm their anger disorder when your remove the TV.

Parents and kids don't come with manuals. Use common sense and do the best you can. But don't look to TV for the answers!

All the best, Doc

Supplements mentioned in this blog

Fish Oil - Regenerizer - Instant Einstein

"Others will copy but none compare!"